


Surprises

by BisexualHannibalLecter



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Abigail Hobbs Lives, Adopted Abigail Hobbs, Cannibalism, Crack, Domestic Fluff, Established Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter, Hannibal Lecter is a Cannibal, Hannibal Lecter is the Chesapeake Ripper, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:42:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24760252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BisexualHannibalLecter/pseuds/BisexualHannibalLecter
Summary: Hannibal comes home early one evening, intending to surprise his husband and daughter, only to catch them in the midst of committing a terrible atrocity.Or,Hannibal is incredibly pretentious and melodramatic.
Relationships: Abigail Hobbs & Hannibal Lecter, Will Graham & Abigail Hobbs, Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter
Comments: 34
Kudos: 527





	Surprises

**Author's Note:**

> Hannibal is SO fucking pretentious and I thought this would be a hilarious idea so I wrote it. Hope y'all like it!

Hannibal gets home from work early one evening, one of his patients having cancelled her appointment due to a family emergency. If her tone of voice was anything to go by, it was definitely serious, so Hannibal chose to overlook his quite strict twenty-four-hour cancellation policy.

He spent the drive home thinking about Will and Abigail, who will no doubt be pleasantly surprised by his early return. They’re probably at the dining table around now, eating the lasagna he left for them in the fridge and discussing whomever was baked into it. Hannibal smiles to himself at the thought of his family enjoying his food. He pulls into the driveway and kills the engine, immediately heading for the door.

Hannibal wasn’t prepared for the unspeakable horror that awaited him on the other side. 

As soon as Hannibal pushed the door open, several aromas hit him. None of them were that of the dinner he had prepared the evening prior. The scents were very odd, with only some familiar notes amongst them. Hannibal followed his nose into the living room and was shocked to find the source of the smells. He was even more shocked to find his husband and their daughter were part of the terrible sight that lay before him.

Abigail let out a soft, “Oh shit!” when she realized Hannibal was behind her, and Will swallowed audibly. Hannibal didn’t even think to reprimand Abigail for her language, too busy staring at what had become of his living room and his wonderful family.

“Hannibal-” Will starts, but Hannibal isn’t having it.

“How could you?” he asks, staring between the both of them. “After all I’ve done?”

“Dad, please-” Abigail says, mildly exasperated.

“Abigail, I would have expected this much from you, being young, but Will?” he asks, turning his head to look at his husband. “How could you enable this sort of behavior? How could you  _ partake _ in it?”

Will sighs deeply. “Oh my  _ God, _ Hannibal, they’re just cup noodles.”

Hannibal crosses his arms, his frown deepening. “And what’s that?” he asks, tilting his head in Abigail’s direction.

Abigail, halfway through chewing a bite of her sandwich, says, “It’s a Big Mac.”

Hannibal huffs. He spots the drinks on the coffee table— two paper cups with clear plastic lids and bright red straws. Condensation is pooling in the coasters they’re sat on top of. The coloring of the substances look radioactive, especially in the case of the bright green slush in Abigail’s cup.

“And  _ what _ is  _ that _ ?” Hannibal asks, pointing to the cups.

“It’s an Icee,” Will says, picking his cup up and shaking it a bit before taking a sip.

“Why is Abigail’s drink green? More concerningly, why is yours brown? Don’t tell me it’s some semi-frozen bastardization of coffee or tea.” Hannibal sniffs the air again. He certainly can’t smell whatever it is.

“It’s Coke flavored. Abigail has a Mountain Dew one,” Will answers.

“Did you get those from a fast food restaurant, too?” he asks, his nose scrunched up in distaste.

Abigail and Will share a glance, and their expressions tell Hannibal that the answer is much worse.

“Where did you get them?” Hannibal asks.

Will coughs. “A gas station.”

Hannibal’s left eye twitches. “I spend hours planning a murder, carving up the victim, and making him into a wonderful meal for the three of us— a meal I let the two of you pick! But instead of eating it, you both go buy drinks from a  _ gas station _ and food I wouldn’t even dare to feed to Will’s dogs!” Hannibal turns and begins to leave the room. “It’s fine. I’ll eat the lasagna myself. Perhaps I will make myself dessert as well.”

Will snorts once Hannibal is out of the room and elbows Abigail. “He’s so dramatic.”

She giggles. “Should we tell him what’s in the freezer?”

Just as soon as the words leave her mouth, there’s a shout from the kitchen.

“ _ Will Graham! _ ”

Will laughs. “I think he already knows.” He sets his Icee and his ramen on the table. “I’ll go talk him down.”

Abigail laughs as Will makes his way to the kitchen, finding a very annoyed looking Hannibal making himself a plate of lasagna. Hannibal looks up, and they lock eyes.

“We really must discuss what’s in my freezer—”

Will cuts Hannibal off, pulling him into a kiss. Hannibal grimaces when he pulls away.

“You taste like a heart attack,” he says.

“Love you, too,” Will replies.

Hannibal, despite his own complaints, leans in to kiss Will again.

As they pull away, Will says, “Darling?”

“Yes?”

“I just want you to know,” he says, leaning against the counter, “if you keep making fun of what Abigail and I eat when you’re not looking, I’ll tell her all about the collection of Adidas sweatpants you keep hidden away in the back of your closet.”

Hannibal blinks in response, neither denying nor confirming Will’s claim, and replies, “You and Abigail are welcome to eat whatever you wish. It is not my place to control your eating habits.” He begins to frown again. “I only wish the two of you would eat healthier.”

“A little cheating now and then never killed anyone,” Will replies. “Unlike most of your meals, anyway.”

Hannibal smiles, barely suppressing his laugh, and kisses Will again. “Don’t tell me you’re beginning to have reservations about my cooking.”

“Not at all,” Will replies. “I’m simply making a point.” He pecks Hannibal on the cheek. “I’m going to go back to my food and Abigail. I’ll see you in the living room when yours is ready. No eating alone at the table.”

Hannibal smiles softly and nods, watching Will as he leaves the kitchen.

Will settles back on the couch and continues eating and talking with Abigail, not thinking much of it when he hears Hannibal ascend the stairs. Several minutes later, Hannibal is coming back down the stairs, and Will still pays him no mind. That is, until Hannibal settles on the couch next to him, holding his plate of lasagna and a glass of red wine, and wearing nothing but a white shirt and a pair of sweatpants.

Hannibal sets his wine on the table and crosses his legs before starting to eat. “If you two get to eat like heathens,” he says, “then I get to dress like one.”

Abigail almost chokes on her food, trying to eat and stifle laughter at the same time.

Will rolls his eyes and kisses Hannibal’s cheek. “Anything you say, Hannibal.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this story please leave a kudos! Comments are super appreciated! If you want to find/follow/friend me on other platforms, here are my usernames! Don’t be shy! 
> 
> @bisexywill on Tumblr (Main Blog)  
> @bisexual-hannibal-lecter on Tumblr (Writing Blog)  
> @bisexywill on Twitter (Writing Updates & Stuff)  
> @baby mongoose#6953 on Discord


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